Lots of people don’t know that they can have sexuality related goals. It is just like any other areas of life, you can have direction, you can expand, build skills, take the right steps. It all starts to know where you are, and where you want to be.
You are not alone, if you expect yourself to just be awesome and confident in bed and know exactly what you need to do and how. The truth is that there are so many distortions, misinformations, bad education, misleading patterns, shame that your conscious and unconscious sex education is affecting your confidence, your authenticity, and your erotic potential.
Your sexuality is not static or unchanging. You go through several shifts, you have sexual victories and sexual setbacks as well.
The best way to start is to look for where you are now. And the stages of sexuality are coming to the picture. We have already talked about your Erotic Blueprints (Energetic, Sensual, Sexual, Kinky and Shapeshifter). And now let’s talk about the stages of sexuality, so that you can have a more elaborate map of your arousal, needs and ways through.
There are no better or worse stages in your sexuality. The question is always about if this stage is serving you and if you are where you want to be.
You can spend “just” days in a stage or years. There are no hierarchical distinctions between the stages. It is really about your relationship to where you are right now, and if you want to shift from this stage to an other or not yet.
In the resting stage you don’t do any sexual activity. This can be your conscious choice or related to other factors.
Maybe you are in a sexless relationship, taking a break from sex, still being a virgin, or choosing to cut off all sexual activity while you are single…
You can be in the resting stage and craving intimacy at the same time. Or maybe you use this stage as a step to make your sex life hotter.
When you are in a healing stage you are facing an obstacle or a challenge in your sex life and you want to heal and overcome to these obstacles so that you can experience something greater. Your healing can be emotional, related to abuse, divorce, breakup… Maybe you are overcoming shame, guilt or fear. Can be caused by a physical problem, surgery, trauma, illness, erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation.
The type of healing you need defines how long you have to stay in this stage. It is very different if you need healing after an operation or if you lost your libido.
If you have a partner, the stage they are in will also affect your healing journey.
When you are in this stage, you want to know more about sexuality and how to become a better lover. You read a lot, watch videos, looking for sex tips and secrets, want to know more about intimacy, connections and arousal. When you are in this stage you don’t necessarily implement what you have learned so far. This is for the next stage.
It is all about allowing yourself to experiment with new things and give yourself permission to explore. Maybe you want to try bondage, or a yoni massage, or opt for a threesome…
The two key elements in this stage are patience and boundaries (your boundaries as much as your partner’s boundaries). You go to a new territory and expand. Maybe you spice things up, try some elements in other erotic blueprints than your primary.
When you are in an adventurous stage, communication is even more important, especially if your partner is not in the same stage as you.
When you are in this stage you want to explore what is more to sexuality. You are looking for transcendence and sexuality becomes part of your conscious personal growth and development. Maybe you go more into the direction of taoist sexuality or tantra.
Your experience is going to change how you think about yourself and what is erotically possible for you.
Just as a little example from my own life. At the beginning of this year I felt that I’m going to a transformational stage. It wasn’t a conscious choice, I started craving depth and erotic expansion. (Which is interesting, hence I was in an adventurous stage before, and it was hot and very creative.)
This changed what I needed, what I was looking for and who I connected with. I actually “ended up” being in this transformational stage alone and creating a whole new chapter in my self-intimacy.
If you add your primary Erotic Blueprint to the stage that you are in, you are going to be more conscious about who you are as an erotic being now, and what your needs are.
The question is, are you where you want to be or not?
Now that you see the Erotic Blueprints and the stages you can tell more about where you want to be, and it is going to be much easier to do the exact steps, choose the learning, the environment, the tools… that you need.