This is what is blocking your pleasure - Part 2

Have you read the first part of my post about erotic shadows and how they block you from your pleasure? If not, start there, because it is fully packed with useful information that can transform your sex life.

Sexual Erotic Blueprint

Sexuals are into nudity, penetration, orgasms,  intercourse… Mostly what we associate as sexuality (especially male sexuality)  is. They can go from 0 to 100 within seconds. Sex is easy for them and coming naturally. Unlike Sensuals who need to relax in order to be open to sex, Sexuals need sex to relax. They have a high sex drive, and they don’t necessarily really require foreplay in order to have a “full” experience.
When somebody tells me that they are good at sex and the problem is their partner, I know that I’m talking to a primarily Sexual person.

Sexual Erotic Blueprint shadows

Uncertainty is a struggle: They need to know that they will get their orgasms or they can become frustrated. They rather don’t start a sexual encounter if it is not a “sure thing”. Remaining in a high state of arousal without the certainty to release is a painful struggle for them. (While this is super yummy for some Kinkies and Energetics.) So try not to tease them if you don’t want to follow through. I know it is hard to resist. :D

They are not the problem - they think. They are aroused fast, they can orgasm easily, they have the drive… so the problem can’t be them if their partner is not satisfied. And this kind of thinking is reinforced in porn and in films as well. So if their partner has other needs or can’t perform “well enough”, then they are not very supportive. And because of this both of them can lose pleasure, connection, passion, intimacy. Sexuals are happy to learn a new technique for oral sex or try a new vibrator, but not necessarily try out of box things, like tantra or kink play (especially the non sexual ones), hence it just don't make sense to them. It is almost like they are “logical and sceptical”, and magic is not real.:)
Or simply just if their sensual partner is coming home after a long, tiring day wanting to have a shower first before intimacy, sexuals think this is a sign that their partner is not juicy, and they don’t have passion. They actually do, but they need to feel totally alright, connected and accepted to let go.

Their partners often feel objectified. This is also something that I hear often from the partner’s of Sexuals. They feel that their genitals and having sex is more important than their feelings. Almost like they should be able to switch on without any connection or intimacy. This doesn’t mean that the Sexual doesn’t care, it is just their way to connect, intercourse is their language to feel and be one with their partner. Sexuals love and accept their partners, their bodies, their scents, their fluids… just the way they are, without any extra preparation or lingerie. This is their way to show their desire for their partners. Oftentimes their partners can feel different. When you learn your personal and unique ways to arousal and your challenges and shadows, you finally realise how to build a bridge in a way that works without any judgement.

Kinky Erotic Blueprint

If you find taboo and outside of the box sexuality a turn on, you are Kinky. You can be kinky and not necessarily into BDSM. For example, if oral sex for you is a taboo and you engage in oral sex, you are Kinky. At least in the Erotic Blueprint framework.
We also speak about psychological kinks and sensation based kinks as 2 main categories.
Kinky people are very sophisticated, creative and bold. And while they can have their “fast lane” for arousal by their fetishes there can be some shadows as well to deal with. 

Kinky Erotic Blueprint Shadows

Hidden shame. Most Kinky people I know have lots of shame about their outside of the box desires when they realise them. It can be a huge weight to handle and to deal with. It helps a lot that nowadays we know way more about desires and that being Kinky doesn’t mean you are broken, and not necessarily involves a traumatic childhood, actually it can be a very healthy way to deal with the so-called “negative” emotions.
It can be very risky to share these non conventional desires with a partner. The shame around these dynamics can be paralyzing. It all starts with inner work. The right kind of support, community and lots of UpToDate, non judgemental information can help a lot to see clearly and own your desires rather than whether you choose to actively do anything about them or not.

Fetishes can be obstacles to your erotic expansion and intimacy. When I’m talking about fetishes, I’m talking about the fast lanes for pleasure. For example if you are super turned on by yellow raincoats then all you need is a yellow raincoat and voila you are high. But this also means that if you don’t have a yellow raincoat to turn you on, then… it is just not exciting enough. You are trapped into a yummy but very narrow way to experience sexuality.
You can expand your erotic playground, but it requires support and dedication. And don’t do it, because others think you are broken or something is wrong with you, but do it because you want to experience and express other sides and dynamics of yourself. This is the drive that you need in the foundation in order to have a healthy way to open up to other other possibilities.
And of course maybe you will find a partner who is as excited about yellow raincoats as you, and you both are feeling juicy and satisfied. If this is the case, your yellow raincoat fetish is not a shadow, hence you don’t experience it as a limitation.

Shapeshifter Erotic Blueprint

Shapeshifters are wired for all the blueprints beforehand: Energetic, Sensual, Sexual, Kinky. They are sophisticated lovers who can adapt to their partner's blueprint easily. They are into a journey for variety and having it all. I am one of them, so if you are a shapeshifter, I feel you. It is a blessing but it also can be a curse, especially if you don’t know that you are a shapeshifter yet. So let’s talk about the shadows.

Shapeshifter Erotic Blueprint shadows

They think they are too much. This is something I hear a lot from shapeshifters. Mostly because they were told this by previous partners, friends or family. They can take a lot of pleasure, and they need variety. I’m not necessarily talking about more partners, but a variety of the Erotic Blueprints. I want you to know that you are not too much. You are made for taking a lot of pleasure. You are the natural wiring. Enjoy it, and don’t let anybody shame you for it.

They can easily be a pleaser and don’t know what they really want in an erotic sense. Hence Shapeshifters can easily adapt to their partner’s erotic needs, they don’t always realize what they really are and need. I knew shapeshifters who act and think they are Sensuals if their partner is a Sensual, who are Kinky if their partners are Kinky etc. It is natural to ask, where is the problem here? Everybody is happy? Except that the Shapeshifters have a deep craving for something else, but don’t know why that is, can’t put a finger on it. They are not happy, and this can be an invisible, destroying force. 

They can have any or even all of the shadows of the other blueprints listed above and in the previous post. I know how bad this sounds, but I also know that it can be changed, and these shadows - part can be integrated and embraced for a healthy and satisfying sex life. Especially because you are wired for pleasure. It is your birth right. Take it.

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