BLOG

If you haven’t read my previous post about how to talk dirty, let’s go there and read it before. This means you know what magic words to use, and what to avoid. So you have the basic tools. It is time to move even more forward.


How to have the most impact?


I understand. It feels weird to start to use words that you maybe haven’t really used before. The good thing is that you know the right words, so those are bulletproof. Let’s implement them.



Just start small



You don’t have to use the whole vocabulary all at once. Just use some words, and test the effect. It is going to give you more confidence.


Or you can start using them in testing first, before you say them out loud. Soon you are going to realise that you can even over dramatize the words for the most impact. But most people don’t start there, because you have to feel that you own what you are saying. It is totally fine to get there in your own rhythm. 



Be congruent



Congruence is half of the impact. Your body language, your tone of voice should be in alignment. And if you tell me now, that you are not an actor or actress, you are (probably right) I'm not asking you to play a role. 

Look into yourself and imagine who is the person saying these words. What does she/he look like, wearing, doing? How does she/he talk? What do they want? What do they need?

Feel into them. Embody them. Maybe first just for yourself.



It is about what works the most for your partner



Talking dirty with the purpose of turning your partner on is about what turns your partner on. It is an expansion for you if it is not your main erotic wiring. I acknowledge your boldness. 

Your partner erotic wiring usually is far from ours. We tend to be attracted to the opposite polarity than us, this is why sometimes it is not easy to understand what our partner wants.

And of course there are all the things that we learn from TV, magazines, porn, exes… but this doesn’t mean that this is helpful with a new partner. You want a “map” that really fits the land. 


So when it is about dirty talking to your partner, look for what turns them on, and this is going to give you lots of extra information. 


From my previous posts and the video you will know a lot about Erotic Blueprints and how your partner erotic wiring gives you the exact way to approach them. But I would like to add a little bit here to:

If your partner’s primary Erotic wiring is Energetic, you open the chest, give them space (even teasing them with being more distant a bit). It is all light and heart driven.


If they are Sensual, you talk slower like you would taste every word. Your tone is deeper. You are drippy. There should be a melody in your voice. 


Sexuals love straightforward, to the point communication. Like: Let’s fuck now. It is fast and passionate.


If they are kinky that is a bit different, hence there are so many dynamics. You have to know more about it. All depending on the context, persona, Where does your dominant lives? When you are in your power, take a moment and embody that, tilted head back, looking up and down the body, ice queen or ice king, loving dominant... Or are you submissive? Bratty or obedient. They are all different. Allow yourself to feel into them.


And of course shapeshifters… You have to test here. Mix the blueprints, play with the contrasts…



Create the context



It is always easier to embody the erotic persona when the context is right. What is the scenario? What can you add to create the set up to unleashes these new erotic personas that you want to embody.



And of course: don’t take it seriously



When things don’t go the way you want them. Usually our first reaction is to feel ashamed. But there are other ways to deal with mix ups.


Like telling your partner beforehand that you are trying to talk dirtier because you want to blow their minds. And this is new to you. Allow yourself to experiment here. And you can ask your partner to give you space here or feedback later on.


And laugh at your fuck ups. Believe it or not, making mistakes and laughing at them together can create a deeper intimacy and freedom for the both of you. Liberate yourself from the expectations, do this for the sake of playing together. :)))


Would you like to know something specific? Do you have a question? Write to me so that I can support you at the sexcoach@playblue.ie