Sexiquette: Orgies 101

The topic for today’s blog came up over a mimosa-fueled brunch with a friend - which is the most Carrie Bradshaw thing I’m ever going to say - although rainy Ireland is not quite New York and I am most definitely not Sarah Jessica Parker. After the 4th drink the conversation turned, as it often does, to sex stuff - more specifically sex party stuff. Yes ladies, gentlemen and all those in between, we’re talking orgies.

You think once people decide to go to a sex party all decorum would go out the window and in a sense, I suppose it does - I mean, you would never use your tongue on someone you literally just met buying milk in the local shop (or if you would, maybe you should be writing this blog, you kinky bitch you). But just like every other social occasion sex parties have rules both spoken and unspoken. Here are some basic Do’s and Don’ts to get you started!

Don’t expect it to be like porn. Porn is great, real sex is great - but lets be honest it’s rare the twain shall meet. As anyone who has actually had sex knows, porn is not good reflection of real human sex. Adding more people isn’t going to change that; not everything is going to be angled right, or camera ready - sometimes what’s happening might not even be that sexy! This may seem disappointing, but the joy of orgies is to be found within this fact - it’s real. Just relax and don’t expect to walk into a scene from your go-to group-sex video. On that note…

Do have a sense of humour! Sometimes all the pretense and anticipation of a good old Caligula style orgy can make the atmosphere of a party a bit wooden. Joke around, make conversation, smile! Let’s be honest, there is a funny side to the weird formality of a group of strangers getting together to touch bits in a darkened room - Sex parties can be weird, sex itself can be embarrassing - you’ll have a much better time if you can just let go and let yourself have fun.  

Do - Be Safe! This one is common sense, but something that can take a little strong will to put into action. Sex parties are a buffet of sensations and sounds and…fluids. That’s what makes them so great! But it’s also full of strangers with varied sexual histories. Regardless of whether you choose to use them or not (hey, it’s your body!) you should bring condoms and lube along with you so you have the option of safe, comfortable sex if you want it. (Also, be prepared to disclose your STI status to any potential partners you have - that’s just good manners!)

Don’t break the rules! If the party/club you go to is an event then there will be a set of rules in place to keep you and others safe and comfortable - whether they be about dress code, consent, contraception etc. Sticking to these guidelines is imperative - if you don’t you could be removed from the venue and more importantly marked as a bit of a dickhead by all attending.

Do get consent! Maybe the most important rule for a sex party (and we would argue, sex in general) is to ensure that your partner is comfortable and happy with what you’re doing. Establish and re-establish verbal consent with each person you engage with. Ask things like ‘Is it okay if touch your (insert sexually appealing body part here)?’, ‘would you like me to lick your blank?’ etc. It might seem like a bit of a pain at first, but when you think about it what’s sexier than knowing your partner is into what you’re doing? They want you to lick their blank!

Don’t negotiate on your boundaries (unless you want to). It’s so important that you establish your boundaries before you go to a sex party. What types of sex are you open to? What kind of people are you comfortable doing it with? Do you just want to watch? Once you have a firm idea of what you want, it’s easier not to get swayed into things you’re not comfortable with - and if you end up finding something not on your list unexpectedly appealing then go for it. You alone reserve the right to change your mind!

Do - be respectful of people’s choices. Not everyone will want to engage with you and if they do, they may not be interested in doing some of the things you really want to do. Some people might not want to engage in sex acts, period. If someone turns you down, it’s their choice and that’s okay. Respect their boundaries, don’t question it and certainly don’t push it if you want an invitation back to the next one. There are plenty of other writhing, sweaty fish in the sea!    

Don’t be afraid to leave if you want to. If you’re not into the vibe at a party, it’s completely okay to leave at any time. It doesn’t matter if you paid to attend, if you just walked in the door or even if you’re in the middle of a sex act with someone. An orgy should be fun and if you’re feeling uncomfortable for any reason it’s totally okay for you to make your exit. Not every party is for everyone and there will be plenty more to try in the future - don’t worry about that!

So those are our top tips for first time orgy voyagers! Now go forth and play!

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