I know that there are plenty of techniques that you can utilise for her pleasure. (Yes, I will tell you about some.) But if you learn how to be present, feel her and see her you don’t have to guess what to do next to make her lose her mind. You are going to know.
The reason I want to talk about the vulva and how to pleasure it is because what most people think of is rubbing the clitoris or penetration but there is so much more there to enjoy.
The vulva is the outside part of the pussy, containing the clitoris, the urethra, the labia and the vaginal opening. The vagina is the internal part. So this post is not about penetration or fingering but how to create more pleasure on the outer part of the pussy.
Why is the vulva so important?
The vulva is full of yummy nerve endings. It is all about pleasure. What we usually call clitoris is just the head of the clitoris. All the other parts are hidden from sight but they are also very sensitive.
The penis and the clitoris have lots of similarities. And “just” rubbing the head of the clitoris is almost like only rubbing the head of the penis and not pleasuring the shaft or the testicles. When you think about the vulva this way, you understand how amazing playing with the labia can add to the pleasure.
This image demonstrates pretty well how the biggest part of the clitoris is situated under the skin. And just like the penis, the clitoris (not just the head but the bulbs too) will engorge when it is stimulated. The vulva is equipped to have pleasure and some more pleasure, maybe even more pleasure. So give it to her.
I give you my best tips. And I have to admit that probably not all of them work for everybody. And it is all ok. We are unique but these tips can be your pillars to explore and find your perfect way.
It all start with seeing the vulva
When I say seeing, I mean learn her. And I know that this tip is not for everybody. Some women don't want you to watch their vulva. So of course respect this. But for others it feels amazing to be really seen and appreciated.
Express how much you love what you see. And you can learn how her vulva changes colour, dimension… and what does this mean.
I have amazing memories of all the compliments my vulva got. I felt myself opening and being so excited and flowing… And I am not the only one nourished by experiences like this.
This is not just before you touch her (however it is a good starting point), but also any time.
2. Ask permission before you touch her
When you don’t assume that it is ok to touch her and you ask permission, she can feel safe. Safety affects her nervous system and allows her to receive more pleasure.
And you can even ask them before you choose to change the stimulation.
Do you want me to go even slower?
Do you want more pressure?
Can I try something new?
You can even have some sessions that are all about exploring different kinds of touches and sensations and collect feedback and information without the pressure that what you are doing has to be the right thing to do. Explore.
This way you can create an open space based on real intimacy where nothing is expected and what is driven by curiosity and connection.
It makes all the difference. And can create the strongest foundation for your relationship where new areas will be awakened.
3. Use lube
The vulva is sensitive, so it is more prone to feel friction if there is not enough lubrication.
But on the other hand, when there is lubrication everything is enhanced. The effortless, smooth movements feel divine. And you as the person giving pleasure will feel more too. You can focus on all the curves and how your touch is affecting her. Does this sound good?
My favourite choice (this also works for those who are super sensitive) is the Swiss Navy All Natural Lube. Waterbased lubes are safe to use with any toys and condom, so you don't have to worry about the safety part. They dry up faster than silicone lubes, so you have to be aware of this.
If you like flavoured lubes especially if you want to mix the touches with oral pleasure or she feels more confident with “dressed” in some scent than the Easyglide Passion Fruit Waterbased Lube or the Tropical Fruit With Honey Waterbased Lubricant are for you.
Some people like to use oils. Extra virgin coconut oil is one of the most popular choices. Macadamia oil is also a safe choice here.
4. Don’t be afraid to go slow and light
It is a popular belief that more is better when it is about sex. The truth is that what is best is what feels the best for her at that moment. And in many cases this is actually less and slower. Give her time to feel. Let her want more. Play and see how she reacts. And when I say slow I really mean slow. Even slower.
And when I say light I mean light as a feather.
There is more coming, and you are going to like it. Read Part 2 soon.