According to the statistics 75% of women don’t orgasm from intercourse alone. And some women are totally ok with this and enjoy themselves regardless if they have an orgasm from penetration or not. But I also know lots of them who struggle with feeling sexy and fulfilled without these orgasms and/or their partners feel inadequate in bed. 

What can be the cause of you not orgasming from penetration alone?

Because vaginal orgasms don’t necessarily feel like clitoral ones

I experienced this myself as well. I expected the same feeling, the same build up, the same kind of explosive orgasms as my clitoral ones were. But the truth is, that orgasms can feel very different in intensity, duration, epicentre, and they even can differ in direction: explosive orgasms feel different from avalanche orgasms, or expansive orgasms. “Funnily” enough if you are multiorgasmic, it can happen that you stay in your high arousal zone and you don’t realise you have had several orgasms in a row.
Missed orgasms happen very often. You have an orgasm and you don’t think that the experience qualifies as an orgasm. 

When you can let go of all kinds of expectations, and “just” experience yourself, you realise that the flow of pleasure comes in different shapes, sizes, lengths and intensities. Some are surprisingly climactic and can be very different from what you have ever experienced.

Because you need more foreplay

Your body needs to be ready for an internal orgasm for it to happen. It is intimate and you have to feel aroused and receptive to it. This can happen very quickly or slower, especially if you are the kind of person who opens into arousal gradually instead of “jumping” right in. 

This doesn’t make you numb or cold, it is “just” a different way to experience and receive. You can be deeply turned on if you get the kind of foreplay and the time that you need. You are not extra and the foreplay can create even more pleasure for the both of you. 

Because your nervous system is overly active

Your nervous system has a huge part of your orgasmic life. Orgasms are intense and climactic and they can be a huge strain on your nervous system, that likes “things” to be more quiet. (This has a huge part in premature ejaculations as well.) The more you can work with your nervous system and regulation, the more intensity you can experience.

The state of your partner’s nervous system is also included in this picture because it will affect yours.

Being patient and more aware of what is happening in your body will support your orgasmic potential.

Because you don’t know your body and arousal map 

The more you know about your body and what works for you and what you need, the easier it is to relax into your experience and to know what to do. This confidence allows you to focus on yourself instead of always trying to force yourself into something that is not working.

When you have your own arousal map and know your body and your needs you have the right map for the journey. When you “just” have a map that doesn’t fit you, your chances to get where you want are slim. So doing the work is your support system to live your erotic potential.

Because your performance anxiety kicks in

The second your presence is about

what you should feel (but you don’t),

how slow you think you are,

you feeling not enough,

you thinking you are too much work,

forcing yourself and working for an orgasm

the ease and the flow of pleasure is gone, you lose access to it. You have to come back to be present in your body and feel yourself. Look for pleasure and what feels good for you in the moment. 

You deserve pleasure, you deserve the time you take, you deserve to be worshipped, admired and spoiled with pleasure, regardless if you are going to have an orgasm or not. 

Because you store trauma in your body

Our bodies remember everything that has happened to us. We can have knots and painful or numb spots all over our bodies including our genitals. The good news is that we can melt  these areas so that they become alive again. Look into de-armouring for more in depth info.

Because your partner makes it more challenging for you to have an orgasm

Your partner’s state and expectations also affect your orgasmic journey. When they want you to cum, and you feel the pressure it is an obstacle for you. They don’t need to say it out loud for you in order to feel it and this can stop you from relaxing into pleasure.

The more you can feel attuned to each other the easier it is to have an internal orgasm. The way you connect and you are on the same wavelength can create the foundation for all kinds of mind-blowing orgasms.

I wish you unforgettably hot and juicy orgasms and unforgettable experiences.