Yes, this massage has a special name. Yoni is a sanskrit word and it means sacred space. (The name for penis is lingam.) This is the expression that used in tantra and have started to become more and more popular as lots of women feel that their relationship to their yoni is sacred and this name reflects how valuable this connection is for them and how they want to be treated in their erotic life.
You can get professional yoni massages and they are usually between 1 - 2 hours length.
Yes, you read right, a yoni massage is very far from a quickie. And it is worth every single minute. Because it is all about her pleasure and providing everything to open up for earth shattering orgasms.
So when you have enough time and you follow the steps you both are going to have something unforgettably hot, that you want to repeat over and over again. Of course if 1 hour seems too much for you, start with less and do less. It is important that you can be present and also enjoy what you are doing.
But how to start a yoni massage and what to do so that it would be a breathtakingly hot experience?
The pre preparation
Before you actually do anything, talk about it. Safety is a must, and it doesn’t only entail physical safety, but communicating boundaries, needs, intentions. Talking about fears so that you can clear these blocks from the way of pleasure.
Whatever the boundaries are, you can create an amazing experience. Maybe your time frame is restricted. Maybe she doesn’t know how she will react and this is making her anxious. Maybe you are afraid that you won’t be as good as you imagine and how she reacts. Allowing yourselves to be free and making mistakes or reacting unexpectedly is also part of feeling safe. When you know that whatever comes up you will deal with it you become more attuned to pleasure, you feel more alive and you are more likely to experience something new and inspirational.
Setting the scene
Being undisturbed is a must. Knowing how much time you have and planning accordingly helps to relax into the experience. Setting the room, the temperature, soft lighting and adding those extra pillows for comfort.
Your hands need to be clean, no rough skin or sharp nail edges.
Prepare extra lubrication
Having a massage oil is essential. Even though this is a yoni massage it doesn’t start with the vulva. So when you have a massage oil, it can provide those smooth, long strokes that can calm her nervous system, and helps the both of you to connect.
Please only use massage oils for the vagina that are body safe. This is a medical grade, unscented massage oil, that you can use. The BodyGliss Erotic Collection Silky Soft Gliding Pure Silicone is almost like a massage oil-lube mixture, that is perfect for a yoni massage.
You can also use a traditional massage oil the both of you like on the body and use lube for the vulva and vagina. See what works for you the best.
Start with holding and connection
Feeling connected before you even touch will calm the nervous system and that creates more ease for pleasure.
Eye gazing and breathing together or dancing can be the right ways to start. But of course it all depends on what works for you.
When you decide to start the massage, start with slowly putting your hand on her and breathing deeply and be present in the touch. Don’t move your hand yet, just stay.
Some people start with holding the hand on the vulva, kinda like cupping the area. I would suggest putting your hand on the heart centre between the breasts or holding the sole of her feet. And have some deep breaths, be present and feel the moment.
Massage her thighs before you get closer to her yoni
This is why you need massage oil. First start with a massage. It doesn’t need to be a whole body massage, it can “only” be the thighs. It is all about how much time and energy you have.
You should go slooooow. And even slower. Long strokes with medium pressure usually work the best but ask her if she wants to be touched lighter or heavier.
One of the ways I teach my clients to give and receive feedback is to ask on a scale of 1 to 5 how pleasurable something is. 5 is almost orgasmic and 1 is nope. You can have your own scale. When you have a scale introduced it helps to have less charge around the answer and “just” accept it and move forward with more knowledge.
Time for the vulva
When you arrive at the vulva try different touches, and don’t go for the vaginal opening yet.
What does she like?
Downward or upward strokes?
Thumbs, fingertips, knuckles, full palm?
Lighter touches or more pressure? Or a combination?
Having small pauses and “just” holding for some seconds works really well for some women, and it can be like a restart for what is coming.
This is about the whole vulva, and you can touch the clitoris a little, but don’t focus on it much.
At the same time the perineum (the area between the vaginal opening and the anus) love messages and this helps a lot to relax and arouse her even further.
Spend time here and arouse her. Showing her that you enjoy what you are doing can help her to let go and enjoy herself even further. If she would like you to penetrate her with your finger don’t do it right away. Tease her and let her want you even more.
Ask before you penetrate her with anything
It is even better if you agree on this in the talk before everything so that she will know that you won’t “just” penetrate her unexpectedly. And maybe this sounds like a small thing, it is not for her nervous system.
So when you think that she is ready and you feel ready too, ask her if she is ready for the yoni massage? If she says no, accept it. If she wants the massage without penetration then do it without penetration. The important thing is to do what feels good. Nothing more and nothing less.
If she wants the penetration later that is perfect too. She can tell you when she is ready. The goal is not to follow a map or an agenda but to ride the waves of pleasure that are there.
When your finger is in
I know you have heard several times already to go slow, and I repeat it again, go slow. And also don’t go deep yet. Massage the vaginal opening first and as you go in, just go in knuckle depth first using one finger and plenty of lube.
One of the best ways to navigate and communicate about areas is going around the clock. The highest point is at 12 o’clock, right at 3, down at 6… So you can locate and communicate where exactly she wants you.
When you want to go deeper, ask her if she is ready.
Breathe deeply and remind her as well to breathe if she keeps the air in.
When you are doing the yoni massage it can happen that some parts feel numb to her or extremely sensitive, even painful. If she feels pain, it is probable that you pressed into a point that stores some trauma (just as you have trigger points and knots in other parts of the body you can find them in the vagina too). You can leave them alone now and go for “just” pleasure.
(Going through painful and numb areas also can be done, but I would recommend doing it another time when you focus “only” on them.)
Always finish with putting your hand on her vulva and hold her, be present. You can also cup her vulva with one hand and put the other on her heartspace.
Ask her what she needs at the moment. Have some water ready, and provide her with the aftercare she needs.
Give yourself feedback a little bit later when you are in the right headspace for it.
Now you know how to do it, so do it. Don’t forget to go slow and be present. :)