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When I say masturbation, you know what I mean. Mostly some genital rubbing until you come. Using your hands or some toys. And it feels awesome. I don’t want to degrade this experience. 

When I say self-pleasure I mean you do something deeply satisfying. And that can look very different from person to person.

I'll tell you why.


If you read my blog you know that I’m an Erotic Bluperint coach. The Erotic Blueprints are kinda like the love languages but for the sex life. And this means that we are wired more ways to receive pleasure. It is that simple.


Masturbation is usually about the genitals. Straightforward, simple, raw pleasure. Feels amazing. Leads to orgasms (mostly). This is the sexual blueprints. Loving the juices. There is a need for orgasm. You go for it. You will get it. Simple as that. This is what pleasure looks like for a Sexual in the Erotic Blueprints. Of course there is more than that, but what we mostly picture as masturbation is what a primarily Sexual would do. This is what you mostly see in porn too (which is also mostly dominated by the Sexual Blueprint).


But this is not for everybody. Some people love this too, but the deep satisfaction comes from other setups, toys, dynamics…



How to self-pleasure if you are not a primarily Sexual?



There is so much more to self-pleasure than most people think. And it starts with what is really making you purr with satisfaction. And if you don’t know yet, check out or instagram or facebook arousal mapping videos or try the tips I give you here.



If you are primarily Sensual:


  • Listen to porn that you like rather than watching it.
  • Create a beautiful space for self-pleasure with fragrances, candles and yummy textures.
  • You can make delicious food part of your self-play. Chocolate, fruit, candy, whipped cream, flavoured ice… all that gives you pleasure.
  • Use music to create the mood that nourishes you the most.
  • Wear something arousing and intimate even “just” for yourself.
  • You can have full body orgasms or orgasms related to your senses not “just” genital orgasms. Opt for the most pleasure you can feel.
  • Feathers are so for you. Feel them on your skin.
  • You love a toy that has a beautiful design as well. Functionality is important, but a feel of luxury makes everything feel even better. Toys like for example the Ritual Shushu, the Tenga Aero Suction Masturbator, the Lelo Smart Wand or the Nexus Revo Stealth (which would feel amazing even if you have a vagina vibrates and moves at the best places).
  • Wear blindfolds for self-pleasure to keep you more in your body.


If you are primarily kinky:


There are so many variations for kinky dynamics. Maybe you are more into the physical part: like impact play. Maybe you are more into psychological kinks. Or you have some fetishes that allow you to be aroused from 0 to 100 within a second. 


So it is not that much about one special tip, but some suggestions to add to your experience.


Most kinky people I know use porn or stories for masturbation or their own fantasy. You can add more to the experience (Ok, some of them do). Of course if you are a fetishist you have your fetish to rely on for satisfaction.


Dressing up to put you in the mood is always a good idea. You can use cuffs like the Quickie Cuffs to be safe but still feel the restrictions.

You can have riding crops. When you use them on pillows you can feel the impact you created. Sometimes even the sound is enough. 


When you use an app based toy, you can set up unexpected vibration patterns that are not under your control. Does this sound yummy? 


I made this card game before with my ex partner. Every card had a special meaning, and he had to pull one that added the theme of the play. And if the number of the card was under 12 he was not allowed to come that time. (Above was just a maybe.) So destiny can take care of the choices.


You can make your self-pleasure more uncomfortable and challenge yourself. It is going to feel more satisfying.


You can say things out loud. 




If you are primarily Energetic…


Use subtle sensations. Hoovering touches.

You can learn to feel more into the energies in your body and around you. There are so many tools and techniques that can make you come without touching yourself. You can use your breath, sounds and movement of energy to unleash aliveness and orgasmic energy inside of you.

You can play with your energetic cock without even having a “real one” and you are going to feel it and find unexpected enjoyment.


Chrystal wands and yoni eggs are all about sacred sexuality and pleasure in a very different way, that allows you to connect something more than just your body and find pleasure in it.


Your play doesn’t need to be genital and your heart has a lot of importance here. The more you can feel and open it the more you will feel an expansion of arousal in your body. Give the subtle sensations space and experience new feelings.


I know this sounds very woowoo. You don’t really see this in porn. It is not taught in most books about sexuality. It is something that you can learn  and then find your own ways to cultivate these kinds of energies and movements beautifully.


Check out my video of energetic touches.



If you are a Shapeshifter (like me)…


You need a combination of things. Some shapeshifters like to mix things up. Some prefer to have separate self-pleasure sessions for different Blueprints. Find your way, but what is important is to give yourself variety from time to time instead of slipping into a predictable pattern only.



Enjoy your body and all the sensations and feelings that is available for you. It is way more than you think.