How to know what your date is into in bed without asking them

When you are at the beginning to know somebody it is challenging to guess what is going to ignite them. But it is not impossible. Become a master in seeing what is hidden and initiate the way that works for the both of you.

Of course this post can be useful for you even if you are not dating right now or you are in a relationship. Also it is kinda fun to guess what people are into around you. :D But let’s use the dating setup here now to unfold everything.

So imagine that you are about to meet them for the first time. You can already see some of the “signs”. 

Energetics: They are into connection, freedom, spaciousness, energy. They are often spiritual but not all of them. They love being teased and longing. 

Their superpowers are: Being able to have orgasms without even being touched (however they don’t necessarily know this about themselves). They are very sensitive. They have extra senses that help them to feel their partner’s feelings, so they will know if you are present with them or not. Eye-gazing can be important for them.

Their shadows are: Hence they are very sensitive they can be easily overstimulated and shut down, when this happens they can dissociate from their bodies. Sometimes what is unavailable can be more attractive than what is right next to them. They tend to be judgemental especially around the physical part side of sex. The second they feel trapped or that they don’t have a choice they turn off.

Your date is probably Energetic if they tend to dress simply and love natural materials. They like to wear monochrome clothing. They don’t necessarily text you very often. Like to have some pause from time to time. But when you are texting with them, tease them, express your desire but stay centred and give them space. Almost like being aroused but stepping back at the same time. Go slow with them. Step back from time to time.

Sensuals: They are into sensations. Scents, visuals, textures, temperature, taste, sound, touch… They just love them. They love romance, dancing. They need to feel relaxed to have sex. Circumstances and environment are super important. They love to feel skin on skin.

Their bedroom (and home) is usually beautiful, cosy and welcoming. Lingerie, luxury, beauty, being pampered and spoiled are the most delicious things for them.

Their superpowers: They can have full body orgasms. They can also relax into orgasms rather than “just” explode into orgasmic bliss. 

Their shadows: They can’t be in their pleasure when something bothers them. This can be a smell, something is filthy or untidy, or the music is just not right. They are usually turned off by these circumstances rather than you. So taking control of the circumstances is one of the best ways to succeed. They can be turned off by the fluids of sex.
Orgasms can be elusive for them. And if the circumstances are not right they are in their heads rather than in their bodies.

Your date is probably highly Sensual, if they dress into very harmonious clothing, especially adding fur or other soft texture to it. They love good food, and they even moan if they like the taste. You will also know if they don’t.

They are romantic at heart. Hugging (when you smell good) and kissing are essentials. Foreplay is a must. Being blindfolded helps them to stay in the moment rather than in their heads. They want to know that there won’t be interruption, and they can take their time. Massages are nourishing especially if you add extra elements like aromas, warmth, some chocolate or fruit to taste. … 

Sexuals: They love sex, nudity, intercourse, orgasms, all the fluids… They just want to be one with you, including physically one. They need sex to relax. They love sex toys. 

Their superpowers are: how comfortable they are with sex. Usually it is easy for them to have orgasms. They can communicate clearly. They know their desires and they ask for what they want. They are also very passionate, going from 0 to 100 within seconds.

Their shadows: They can’t handle sexual frustrations well, especially when they can’t be sure that they are going to have an orgasm at the end. Even though hey are open to sex this doesn’t involve being more energetic or sensual or kinky. They tend to think that they are the norm. The problem is never “them” (according to them) but their partner who doesn’t work the way they should be. 

Your date is probably highly sexual if you started talking about sex and sexuality relatively early. It is one of their favourite topics. They love texting and sending messages quite often, but they are not good at respecting boundaries. They also love to check out boobs and butts and lips.

Let’s talk about the Kinkies: They are sophisticated, having a very vivid imagination. They are turned on by out of the box things (which can be very subjective). It is not necessarily easy to find out if your date is kinky, because they tend to have a lot of shame around their desires. There are many kinds of kinks, so it is not necessarily easy to identify if your partner is kinky. But let’s see what 

Their superpower: Their imagination is one of their superpowers. They also can have fetishes, and these are really fast ways to be aroused, and these “work” reliably as turn-ons.

Their shadows: They can be very secretive about their kinky side, because of the shame and fear of judgement. The fetishes can be very limiting, and sometimes they are the “only” way to get off.

Your date probably has some kinks if they have some tattoos or piercings. Darker colours and edgier pieces can also be involved. But if they want to hide their kinky side they will do that. With power dynamics what can help you is looking into their eyes deeply, and see how they react. Or acting from the space of your kinks and seeing how they react.

Providing a non judgemental space is a must if you want them to open up for you.

On the other side there are also those who are openly kinky. This can be “just” psychological or can involve impact play and pain as well. Don’t presume that you know what they are into. Communicating openly about your experiences and desires is essential here.
Rituals and rules can have an extra significance and are going to help you to navigate.

Shapeshifters: They can show up as any of the other Erotic Blueprints. They are amazing lovers, because they can embody your erotic blueprints (and this is not necessarily intentional). 

Their superpowers are: they can have all the superpowers of the other blueprints. They have a huge capacity for pleasure. It is almost like they could find pleasure in everything. Variety is a must for them.

Their shadows are: They very probably were told in the past that they were too much, because they not only can handle a lot but also need a lot. They can have the shadows as well of the other blueprints, not “just” the superpowers. Hence it is easy for them to adjust to their partner’s blueprint; they don’t necessarily discover what they are really into.

Your date is probably a shapeshifter if they need and love variety above everything. They maybe even tell you that they tend to be too much. Maybe you send them in different styles of clothing. They usually have a large interest.

The more open minded you are the better your play together can be. They are amazing lovers. :)

Remember your previous partners with this perspective. What do you think their main erotic blueprint is? What does your partner need from you? And what about yourself?

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