Being truly in pleasure is hot and sexy. Even if you are “just” exploring your sweet spots alone, enjoying yourself, feeling the fire in your body… It is awesome, and believe it or not, you are sexy as f.
Sharing this with somebody else, letting them witness you in your pleasure and having the same from them is a gift (when it is consent based of course).
How to do this in a way that feels the best for both of you?
See what you are really, authentically into and negotiate your needs and boundaries
You have choices about masturbating together. You don’t have to go fully self-pleasuring together, if you don’t have a full yes.
You can masturbate together in person.
Or you can do it over the phone.
You can do it in a video call.
You can do it in text.
You can do it, while the other “just” witnesses you or the other way around.
Your partner can give you orders about what, when and how to touch yourself, and the other way around.
You can watch porn together.
You can play with toys.
You can exchange fantasies…
It is totally ok, if you want to go slow. Or if you have other concerns. And just because you said yes for trying mutual masturbation it doesn’t mean that you can’t change your mind about it.
Like for example, you realize that you are ok with masturbating together but you want to keep most of your clothes on…
Maybe you want to do it, but blindfolded…
Maybe you are ok with stroking genitals, but you don’t want to have fingers or toys inside of you.
Maybe you want to hear how your partner feels when he/she/they see you in exchange.
Maybe you don’t want them to use certain words when they talk to you or really want them to use some special ones.
Allow yourself to come up with the way that feels the most pleasurable to you.
And it is also important to say what you don't want, whenever that comes up to you.
These help you to allow yourself to relax into the experience.
Self-pleasuring together is one of the best ways to show your partner what feels really good to you, also what toys do you have, like and how you use them for your own satisfaction.
Set up the mood and keep everything handy
What is that atmosphere that you want and need?
You can light candles, dim the lights if this is what serves you.
Have some pillows around.
If you are a squirter some squirting pads or towels help you to relax, just as having the session in the bathtub.
Take your toys out if you have them.
Lube and some tissues can be useful too.
Put the right kind of music on.
What about positions?
Lie or sit next to each other. This is a very comfortable position and also helps if you are a bit shy, hence you don’t have to face your partner. You can look away, when you want to, but still connect and if you want touch and grab each-other.
Sit full frontal. This is perfect when you want to see each other. Open those legs and let your inner voyeur or exhibitionist get the best of the experience.
Be even closer. You can choose a position similar to 69. Be very, very close. And of course you can have your own rules about if your partner is allowed to touch you, if this makes it even juicier for you. But of course you can rub yourself to them or use their body for your self-pleasure.
If you are in a video call, you can show only your face if this is what feels safe for you. And hide your hands or the other way around. Kneeling over the camera gives an amazing view of what is exactly happening.
Don’t hold the sounds back
Let your partner know that you enjoy what is happening.
Let them know how sexy you find them.
You can tell what you would like to see them doing.
Moan.
Breath heavily.
It is not about how loud you are, but what feels authentically you in the moment. So if you feel like you want to stay silent and focus more inward so that you can ride the waves of pleasure, do so…
You are going to find here my post about how to talk dirty that way that works soon here on the blog. Stay tuned.