Has this happened to you?
That you had everything that “should” make you happy.
Enough time, foreplay and orgasms…
Something was missing.
You just hadn’t felt satisfied.
Maybe you blamed the timing. Or your age. Or your partner… Or yourself.
But what if…
there is something else here for you to consider.
Something that will change how you think about satisfaction.
Something that you can utilise to have the fulfilment that you want. And to totally fulfil your partner like never before.
I know this sounds vague, but let me explain this to you.
If you have read this blog for a while, you know a bit about erotic wirings, aka the Erotic Blueprints. But it is totally fine, if not. You will get all the information that you need.
And how does feeding belong here? It is not about literal feeding (unless this is your fetish), but about consciously creating nourishing and fulfilling erotic experiences. The ones that will give your partner exactly what they need to feel juicy, satisfied and alive.
I can hear you asking Shouldn’t we both feel satisfied and fulfilled by just having sex?
In my coaching work I see a lot of couples with very different sexual wiring. You know the opposites attract “rule”. This is very true in sexuality. And while at the beginning of the relationship you tend to be more in our sexual blueprint and you have an abundance of sex and you feel turned on easily, with time this changes and your original erotic wiring slowly takes place. You (and / or your partner) will find that some parts of you are craving for something else. You just don’t necessarily know what that exactly is.
This is when arousal mapping can give you the exact answers and when you have all the data you elevate your erotic fulfilment to the next level.
You don’t really hear me talking about female and male sexuality. You are a unique erotic being and what you truly satisfies you can be described by your special erotic wiring. There are 5 different blueprints (and of course you are not just one blueprint but a combination): Energetic, Sensual, Sexual, Kinky and Shapeshifter.
And we all know what Sexuals love in bed. They love nudity, penetration, all the juices of sex. They are ready to go within seconds. Their relationship to sex is clear and “simple”. And for them having sex and all those yummy orgasms are totally satisfying.
Energetics want connection and longing. If you can give these to them they are deeply satisfied. So orgasms and penetration however are amazing they are not as fulfilling for them as for Sexuals. And with time they are going to feel less and less satisfied, and shut down.
Give them mystery, tease them, look into their eyes, be present with them. Create distance and spaciousness. They are super sensitive and if you learn the energetic touch (featherlight slow touches and hoovering touches). It is hard to understand for a Sexual how somebody who is not even touched can have intense reaction from a hoovering hand. Energetics extend themselves and they don’t “only” feel with their skin. And they can have full body, amazing orgasms without being touched. The best part is that as a Sexual you don’t even have to believe in energies or feel these energies “just” learn to be present with them and their bodies will dance as you move your hands.
Sensuals are into their senses to be nourished. They have probably already created a beautiful bedroom, because it helps them to melt into the moment. Environment and mood are essential for them. They love romance and dance. And they also want everything to be clean and smell delicious. Including you.
Scents, taste, textures, sounds, massage… And they relax into the experience. Sensuals are craving for delicious, sensuous experiences. They want to indulge their senses. Or it would be better to say they want to be spoiled. Being blindfolded can help to keep them in the moment and just feel and feel and feel again all the yumminess in the world. They can have orgasmic experiences from food or fragrances or massages. They can enjoy full body orgasms if you massage them the right way. And I’m not talking about genital orgasms here.
The more you can forget about the “expectations” of a Sexual experience and expand your view of what is erotically possible and accept that there is pleasure beyond what you think pleasure should be, you open the gate for more fulfilment.
And you need this mindset also if your partner is primarily Kinky. They are into things that are outside of the box. They are sophisticated and have a very vivid imagination. Some of the Kinkies are into psychological kink so they enjoy powerplay and extraordinary scenarios, while others are more into impact play and their kinks are more about how the body can feel when you play with it.
Being kinky is a bit more accepted nowadays, still there can be a lot of shame around unusual turn-ons and they can have so much doubt about if they are healthy or if there is something wrong with them. So holding a non judgmental space for them in order to open up is crucial for them. Be curious and “just” because you are not into something it doesn’t mean that there is something wrong with your partner to be turned on by it.
Fetishes can be the most challenging. However fetishes are superfast highways to pleasure sometimes they can be the only way to be really turned on and feel satisfied. So if you can have a session time to time where the fetish can “play a part” you can provide what your partner needs in order to feel fulfilled. Some of the Kinkies are not Sexuals and they don’t necessarily need penetration to have a satisfying experience. They have mind-gasms, sub-space and domgasms…
Let’s talk about Shapeshifters. They need everything that you have just read. They are into variety. They can easily provide you what you need and you feel that sex is just so at ease with them, but at the end they remain hungry for more. They don’t even know what they can just feel that there should be more. Most Shapeshifters think that they are too much. The more you can be versatile the better it is. Some Shapeshifters don’t even know much about their erotic potential, because they “just” got used to be a pleaser. They are wired for all kinds of orgasms.
When you know more about the blueprints and what is erotically possible you can expand your own blueprint to be able to enjoy all kinds of pleasure.
But this was “just” the part of the “what to do” and you still need the “How to do”.
And before we go further I have to add here that feeding your own erotic blueprint by self-pleasure in a way that deeply satisfies you, so pleasuring yourself according to your own blueprint is the way to feel happy, nourished and fulfilled, so the first part is also important and try these authentic wirings for pleasure not “just” the classic masturbation.
Now you know a lot about blueprints and what to do to really satisfy your partner, but this doesn’t mean that it is easy to “just” switch and all of a sudden everything becomes juicy (however this can happen too).
But there is a way to learn, to experiment, to create a new, more stable foundation for these new, fulfilling ways for pleasure.
The best is to have so called feeding sessions. Feeding sessions are clearly for experiment and nourishment. It is a totally free space where there are no expectations. The focus is on 1 person to get his/her/their blueprint fed and nourished.
It is ok not to do it perfectly. It is ok to make mistakes, to laugh and feel good or bad. The aim is to be present and feed the blueprint. Allow yourself to experiment and focus on giving what your partner needs. At the end get feedback.
When you have a separate feeding session that is not your “usual” sexy time you have less pressure. It is like being in a “bubble”. When you can create this safe, nourishing place for yourself it is fulfilling and also helps you to expand. You are going to feel more confident in bed with your partner.
What you learn here of course can be part of your sex life too, and it will going to have an amazing, elevating effect on your sex life and fulfilment level. But it also helps to create more satisfaction for one person. This way they will be able to know more about themselves and their erotic potentials. You also learn the same things as well about how to satisfy them and going to become more confident.
And at the same time the balance of satisfaction becomes more equal. There is less resentment and more arousal and pleasure are present in the relationship.
And of course you can create experiences for mutual pleasure. But it is going to be more supported and there will be more ease in your sex life. Both of you can have your separate feeding session and also you can have those mind-blowing sexy times for the both of you.
When you don’t know about what your partner’s primary erotic blueprint is, try a bit of all of them.
Another way to find this out is to think about your 3 peak erotic experiences. What are the most important elements for you? What stands out? Which parts are the biggest turn-ons?
As you collect these patterns it will be easier to find which blueprint you are more wired for.
Also when you expand your own blueprint in order to create a bridge between your primary blueprint and your partner’s you will also change. You are going to find new turn-ons.
So it doesn't matter how long you are together, there is more. Don’t give up. Play, explore and enjoy the fruits of being bold, taking risks and giving your partner what really works for them.