Sometimes I’m watching TV or people on the street and see them touching and many times it is so cringy. Of course I can’t be 100% sure how the person on the receiving end of the touch is feeling, but sometimes you can tell that too.
It doesn’t need to be like this.
You can feel if the other person is open to your touch and you can also touch them in a way that you can feel their reaction even if they are not communicating it to you by words.
Let’s first talk about the types of touches.
Hovering touches are the most “scary” for the giver. Because they are “almost” nothing. IT is hard to believe that you don’t even touch your partner and they feel it, but they actually do. Sometimes so intensely that they start to shiver and uncontrollably shake. This is “just” sexual energy moving through their bodies.
Hover your hand over your partner’s body including their genitals. Or you can touch and then slowly and mindfully take your hand away a bit. Play with the distance and don’t be surprised if more distance affects your partner more. Be present and awaken your hands beforehand, you will read about how to later in this post.
Of course hovering touches are not for everybody. The more sensitive your partner is, the more they are into hovering touches. If they love to be teased, they probably love them. Do they like light kisses? That is also a hint for you. But you will learn to feel with your hands and be present and you are going to be able to tell if they like it or not.
Light touches are almost weightless. Your fingertips are touching the skin or the clothing, hair very lightly. This can feel very hot on the skin or ticklish so just try it a little bit, don’t overdo it, see their reaction.
Also it is important to note here, that different body parts react differently to different touches. So maybe your partner’s neck likes light touches but their thighs are more into contouring touches. So be open and present to what is really going on and where. Never presume, that just because something worked before it is going to work the next time as before. Experiment and allow the flow of sexual energy to show you the way.
Contouring touches are - as their name suggests - following the natural curves of the body. You put your whole palm and fingers on the skin and move your hand. It is not light and not very heavy either. You can do this on dry skin, but it goes especially well with oiled skin, because of the smoothness and mobility. And making the touches longer and not lifting your palm off the skin. Long, smooth sliding waves following the natural shape of the body.
These are the most underestimated of the touches, because there is no movement here, “just” holding and some pressure.
Have you been at a professional massage, where the first thing the massage therapist did was to put the palm with light pressure in between the shoulder blades and breathed there a little bit.
These kinds of touches establish connection and presence, they are almost like a bridge. And they are also very good at releasing pressure and calming the nervous system. These are down regulating touches so that your partner could feel safe being present in their bodies, feeling and being with you.
These touches are more about some kind of impact. Grabbing, scratching, spanking, pinching, twisting, slapping… Some of these are about inflicting pain that can be pleasurable to your partner if they are into it, and some of these are about “just” bringing your partner to that moment in their bodies. It is more challenging to be in your head if you have just had an intense sensation. Kind of like waking up.
Hence I’m a shapeshifter in the Erotic Blueprints I’m into variety (except when I’m not). So doing the same touch over and over again becomes boring very fast. While for example someone more in their sensual loves the predictability of contouring touches and melts into pleasure.
You can alternate different touches, intensities or rhythms to keep things interesting, or you can do “ombre” touches, that starts as a light touch for example, then you add some pressure and go into a contouring touch, then finish with a scratch.
One of the main things here is lubrication, don’t grab or rub or finger your partner’s genitals dry. Adding lubrication (including to the nipples) can make a huge difference. Of course it doesn’t need to be lube, it can be saliva or other juices of the body. The reason is that there are more nerve endings at these areas so they are more sensitive. At the same time they usually like a little bit of pressure or smooth friction so lubrication can help to bring the sensitivity and the intensity together synergistically.
Of course there are even more types of touches like downward and upward touches, circular touches, genital touches… But we are talking about the bigger picture here, and more like about the levels of touches.
And there is one very important factor here to consider that is the heart of the whole irresistible touch skill, and this is awakening your hand.
If you want to feel your partner and their reaction to your touch you have to be able to feel them with your hands. So when you touch them, your hands need to be awakened, alive and sensitive.
Massage them regularly just as you can see in the video so that you can make them tingle and full of energy. This is going to clear up the blocks and relive your hands.
This has a 2 sided effect.
On one side you feel alive, and sensitive and when you touch your partner you feel them better too. It is almost like opening a gate between the 2 of you.
On the other hand, your partner feels that openness too (it doesn’t mean that they are necessarily aware of this, it just “feels better”).
How do I know this? For example from my clients. It happens that from a couple only one person comes to coaching, and they don’t necessarily tell their partner what they are doing and why. They always react to this, asking what is going on. They can’t put their fingers on what exactly changed, but they know that something did.
Of course you have to be present too, otherwise you can’t feel your partner’s reaction well, and your energy is less yummy.
Don’t try to ignite your partner here, don’t have an agenda, “just” be open and feel. It is going to be worth it.