Do you want more fulfilment?
It is not greedy to look for more. When you want to expand there are pathways, tools, challenges, potential… for you to experience what you are craving for.
Just like having goals in other areas of life, you can have goals in your sex life too. It is one of the most valuable things you can do for yourself and for your partner(s) is to allow yourself to have these sexual goals and act on them.
And you don’t have to reform everything all at once. You can “just” change one small thing and stick to it and see what brings into your sex life.
But exactly what small things can you do?
(I actually know way more than 5, but I want you to come back other times too.:D)
One of the physical steps you can take is to exercise your pelvic muscles. It helps to intensify your orgasms, to own more the pleasure in your genitals.
The easiest way to practice is to tighten your pelvic muscles. (Like when you consciously stop the flow of pee.) Hold the contraction to 3-5 seconds then release. And when I say release, I mean really relax the muscles. Breath in and exhale, and it is almost like sighing out through your genitals. This release part is as important as the contraction.
Playblue also has plenty of options for you if you want to exercise your pelvic muscles. This is for vagina owners only. Check them out here.
But as I wrote before even if you have a penis you will benefit a lot from exercising your pelvic muscles. You can learn to last longer in bed this way.
I have some blog posts about how to start talking dirty in bed. (Click here to read the first one.) Allowing yourself to be more vocal can generate more sexual energy and passion. And if you don’t want the words, just moan and sigh. Allow the vibration of the sound to flow through you and generate waves of pleasure. Let your depth have a voice. Allow the flow and the sound to move and enjoy the energy.
I’m not only talking about having sex in other places than in the bedroom (however that can be yummy too), but don’t make your sex life only be present in the bedroom. Maybe you can go from 0 to 100 in a second, so you are in the bedroom with your partner and you are ready to go. But what if your partner is not like this? What if they don’t have the switch like you.
They are not less, they are just different. The more you act like your bedroom is an island, the more challenging it is to just jumpstart there.
Show your affection. Touch and cuddle outside the bedroom without the agenda to finish in the bedroom but just for the sake of connecting, to feel. Kiss longer and kiss freely. Cuddle, smile, look into each-other's eyes.
And if you are single, pleasure is everywhere, not just in masturbation. Enjoy the sensuality of everyday life. Taste, temperature. Touch yourself more with presence.
You can plan the circumstances, organise the time, and take care of the environment, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t do this. What I’m talking about is the flow of the connection, when you don’t have expectations about how you or your partner should react or feel, but allow yourself to be in the moment, and act according to what is present.
Of course this requires you to be present. To feel yourself and be open to your partner (even if your partner is you). Let every touch come from a place of discovery.
Sex toys are fun. They are toys for adults. And playing is the best way to try new things, to have fun, to go on adventures together or adventures alone.
What would you be interested in?
A new vibrator like the legendary Doxy Massager Wand so that you can play with powerful waves. It is not just for the clitoris?
A rabbit that can give you the real sensation of penetration and thrusting even without vibrations, like the Vive - Halo.
A prostate stimulator like the Rocks Off Naughty Boy Vibrating Prostate Massager.
A toy with remote or app control, so that you can play even from a distance too.
There is so much potential in playing and experimenting. The opportunities can bring you to places you have never been. It is time to go juicier.