3 reasons you are struggling with squirting

Squirting can feel amazing, and it can be a turn on even “just” thinking about it. Squirting doesn’t mean that you necessarily have an orgasm as well at the same time, but still the feeling can be as intense and pleasurable as an orgasm. 

Still, while it can be easier for some women to squirt most them need to go through a period of trying. I also have to add here that not everybody is able to squirt. Our bodies can be wired for different kinds of pleasure, and a good initiation can create the best foundations for more. 

But these 3 challenges are the ones showing up more often limiting your erotic potential. The good news is that identifying them is the first step to overcoming them and allowing yourself to enjoy the flow.

You try to relax, but you just feel weird

When you are on a mission to achieve something in your sex life and you have expectations it is so much harder to be in your pleasure. The more you want it, the harder it becomes to let go and just allow yourself to feel whatever it is present. And then you judge yourself for it.

So I would suggest not to start with the squirting experiment, but with pleasure. If you are alone, self-pleasure as you would. If you can, make yourself cum. If you are with a partner, let's make it as juicy as you can before trying to squirt. It is all going to be so much easier.

There are also other options to ease into experimenting. Movement can help a lot to put your nervous system to a more relaxed state, so is dancing and shaking. OMing and doing breathing exercises can be useful too. If you are partnered you can do these together to feel more in sync. 

Whenever something comes up to keep you away from feeling good, you can acknowledge how you feel. Don’t fight it, stay with it. Then bring yourself back into the present moment and your body. Check in to see what would feel good to you. See if you can still be curious about trying to squirt rather than forcing and pushing yourself. It is ok to stop and pause and continue only when you have a yes for it and you feel inspired.

You feel like you need to pee

Before you squirt, it is totally normal to feel like you need to pee. Nothing is wrong with you, and in order to squirt you need to push the muscles around. This is the opposite from clinching in order to avoid peeing. So try not to stop yourself. It takes time to feel the difference, and you will get there eventually, but it all starts to feel very similar.

This is why it is important to be prepared and give yourself permission to experience whatever comes up without judgement (if you can).
Also peeing beforehand can release some of the fear of peeing yourself. 

You can play in the bathroom or somewhere where it is ok to wet the surroundings, so you don’t have to be afraid about leaving a mess.

Using a vinyl sheet or a bed protector can also help you to relax into the situation and not to worry about all the liquids. Whatever can put you at ease, can help to unstuck your flow.

If you are experimenting with a partner then talking about possible messiness and acceptance in order to feel free and safe can be the switch that is allowing you to squirt.

You feel pain rather than pleasure in the area, so you can’t let go

I'm talking about occasional pain here when you try to squirt. Please consult with a pelvic physio therapist if you experience intense pain, numbness, especially for a prolonged period. The solution is not a glass of wine, but receiving professional help that is taking your health seriously.

If you are trying to squirt but the area in your vagina feels sore or numb while it is massaged, then you also can work on it in order to release some of the underlying tension. As I mentioned before this is “just” if you feel the pain (or numbness) while you are playing and that is not very intense. If you are in doubt, look for professional help.

So when you feel pain while the area is massaged, stay at the spot, press and hold. Please be firm, but only to the extent that you can still breath deeply and relatively calm. Stay there until you feel that the pain is melting. Hydrate well afterward. You can feel sore and also you can have some weird dreams. You are releasing tension, and it is normal to react this way.

Maybe you need some occasions to totally move through this pain, but don’t give up, try it again. Your vagina becomes more alive and you are going to feel more. Massage yourself (or let your partner massage you) regularly to totally awaken and clear this area. Some people find that a curved glass dildo can help more than their own fingers.

Not everybody is capable of squirting and that doesn’t mean that they are broken or there is anything wrong with them. We are all wired for pleasure differently. Look for your superpowers and expand from there with openness and curiosity. 

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