3 reasons why you are struggling with anal play

Do you like anal play? And what about really enjoying it?

I know that plenty of you are struggling with anal play. And you still want it regardless. You want to experience the joy of it, that others are talking about. But if you read this, you are probably experiencing pain instead of pleasure. (Or at least not the kind of pain that you want.)

And anal pleasure is so unique and mind-blowing. Even if at the moment it seems that it is not for you, you can do a lot to change the situation. Exactly what?

Let’s start with my video about How to make your anal play orgasmic: What are your biggest struggles when you are thinking about anal sex?

You don’t know what exactly is the best for your ass (yet)

You have probably seen lots of anal porn. And it just seems so “smooth”, so natural, so with ease and of course spontaneous. So many of the erotic novels and stories are also similar regarding the storyline. You don’t hear about the preparation and the right kind of anal training, and unique needs… And lots of these are needed if you want to enjoy spontaneous anal sex with ease.

So when you experience the pain and the “weird feeling of switching” of the peristaltic movement you tend to think that something is wrong with you. While nothing is wrong. You “just” need more play, more experimentation before your nervous system starts to react differently. 

You don’t need a partner for the training. This is especially true, if you have experienced your boundaries disrespected before. 

The pleasure of anal play is a feeling of connecting with something deep and intense inside of you, and have a longer lingering feeling of peace and release after. And I’m not talking about the orgasm part, because the pleasure is not “just” the orgasm, but the experience itself. This is why I’m suggesting to experiment and play regularly. Open yourself new “doors''. When you are good at doing this by yourself, it is even better when you can share the experience with somebody else. You are going to have the knowledge, the awareness and all the toys and tricks that you have already had.

Even if you don’t have a prostate, you can choose a toy like this one. Or this one. The shape and the handle helps a lot to play with different angles.
A metal toy is perfect, can be your friend for a lifetime, can handle any lubes and it is super easy to clean. (Oh and it is marvellous for g-spot play too.)

You are going too fast

If you follow a systematic anal training, where “just to connect” is the first step, than later on you can be more spontaneous and go faster - because you can access pleasure easier. But it all starts slow. 

Breath into the sensations. The longer exhales help to calm your nervous system down.

The safer you feel the more open you’ll become.

Foreplay is important. Let pleasure fill you up. Have some orgasms. Ride the waves, and start from there. Only penetrate when you feel that you want it. Stay outside as long as you need. There is so much pleasure to have your (or your partner’s) hand just at the entrance and tease yourself. Let your butthole really really want you before you move forward.

Don’t have goals and expectations rather than looking for and focus on what is feeling good. Keep that in focus. The more time you can spend in the "pleasure mode" the easier it is to continue from there. Build it like if it would be a skill. Because it is.

Time is your friend. And if you go step by step your can build everything up to awesome anal orgasms. It is very probable that you are going to have to stop sometimes just before the orgasm, because the intensity or the very different sensation can be challenging for your nervous system. It is going to be ok. You “just” need time and trust. And that is totally normal.

Take your time.

Focus on your pleasure.

Stop whenever you feel like. You can always come back later. And it will feel totally different.

You underestimate and overestimate your butthole at the same time

Are you aware of how many times and how long you are unconsciously tightening your anal sphincter? I’m talking about stress related tension here. You don’t really know. Your "unconscious anal training" is about how to hold back for longer period of times. And then a little bit of how to let go. Nothing about how to pleasurably let something in. And you expect yourself that all of a sudden after so many years of this "training" you will just have the pleasure that you had dreamed of.

When I’m talking about underestimating, I mean this. You don’t really feel your ass much during the day. It is easy to forget about it. Let’s start with checking in regularly. Really just feel that butthole of yours, full of nerve endings and lots of pleasure potential… Don’t force yourself to relax. Just feel and breath for a bit. Then go back to your day. And check in again after a while.

Anal presence is really a thing and your pleasure start with presence even if you think, that is just unimportant. The more connected you are, the more pleasure you can feel. 

Authentic permission before penetration can also highly increase the pleasure that you are experiencing, so it is worth practicing it. I know that plenty of you enjoy the taboo part of anal sex, so the permission part can ruin your fun. In this case I suggest doing it a lot in the training period, so that you can forget about it later. You can build your presence, your trust as a skill, and expand from there. 

And when I'm talking about overestimating, I mean size. Start small. Really small, like with this toy. A finger is perfect too.

Choose a really good lube. It is going to make a huge difference. Click here for the anal lubes.

Let me know what you need support with, so that I can help you to have the satisfaction that you are craving for. Ask your question at sexcoach@playblue.ie