There’s no escaping the fact that the zodiac is back in a big way . New-Agey books written by women with crystal collections have been replaced by memes about astrology and devout blogging about rising signs. Zodiac naysayers still make the very logical point that there’s no way 1/12th of the population all have the same traits based on the time of year they were born. Realistically, how can one horoscope in the back of a weekly newspaper apply to that many people? And to that, I say: those people are probably all Tauruses.
Joking aside, I’m not a devotee of astrology by any means - but what's the harm in looking up your horoscope or reading about your sign for a bit of craic? None!
So, on that note, may I present to you the official PlayBlue astrology sex toy guide! You may not be a believer, but can you really afford to turn down a bit of cosmic improvement to your sex life?
Capricorn (Dec 22nd - Jan 20th): Caps are committed in the bedroom. They’re not the most romantic sign, nor are they that kinky but they sure are dedicated. Without pomp and circumstance a Capricorn will put in the work to give you a good old-fashioned dicking down and make sure you enjoy it. I don’t recommend anything other than simple condoms for this sign - they do their best work with their own two hands.
Aquarius (Jan 21th - Feb 19th): Aquarians are deep thinkers but they can be quite lighthearted when it comes to sex. They enjoy seduction but not the seriousness of it. Something like this Body Adventure Erotic Dice Game would provide some fun for this sign, as well as lead to some interesting results...
Pisces (Feb 20th - March 20th ): Pisces are givers. Their sexual encounters tend to be focused on the other partner, which means sometimes Pisces doesn’t always get the satisfaction from sex that they should. A male Pisces could use this Emperor Ridged Penis Sleeve - which would hopefully allow him to enjoy himself while still getting his partner off like he craves!
Aries (March 21st - April 20th): Aries is symbolized as The Ram and that’s exactly what they like to do. They have no time for flouncy romance or silk sheets and this can be disappointing for their partners. An Aries can try Power Delay Spray to slow themselves down a little.
Taurus (April 21th - May 21st): As with their name, Tauruses are bullheaded and a little set in their ways. They do damn good work, but they definitely need to be seduced into it. How about a full lingerie set to pull out all the stops and provoke them?
Gemini (May 22nd - June 21st): Geminis are coquettish in nature. They love foreplay and flirty seduction but can quickly be bored. They’re not the most faithful zodiac sign but you can keep them interested with a multi-purpose toy that changes to suit whatever flight of fancy they take!
Cancer (June 22nd - July 22nd): Cancers like to be in charge - they’re not forceful like an Aries but they do like to steer the ship. They would benefit from having a remote controlled toy for foreplay. The Cancer will enjoy being in control and their partner will enjoy the vibrations.
Leo (July 23rd - August 22nd): Leo like to be the centre of attention. They aren’t selfish in bed per se, but they are somewhat self-centred and this leaks into their sex life. The thing about them is that they’re so charming that you’ll want to give them exactly what they want. How about popping them into this door swing and focusing all your attention on them? It’s what you both want tbh.
Virgo (Aug 23rd - Sept 23rd): Virgos are not kinky. They like simplicity and preciseness in their sex lives. They’ll take the time to get to know their lover but it can be hard to get them to let their hair down. A simple bullet vibrator might be a good start to them loosening up. Their sign is supposed to be virginal after all!
Libra (Sept 24th - Oct 23rd): Sex is sacred for Libras. They want balance in everything they do and they want a lover who is as dedicated as them. They will take the time to get to know what makes their partner tick and expect the same in return. This is probably the most equal sex partnership you can find - if you put in the work! A couples vibrator that you can both enjoy is just the ticket.
Scorpio (Oct 24th - Nov 22nd): Scorpios are notoriously hot-blooded. They’re one of the most highly sexual signs but they often have a very calm exterior masking their passion. Something like this Fetish Fantasy Beginners Bondage Set would work wonders. The Scorp can indulge in some sensual Domming using the restraints and textures of the kit on their partner. But if you really wanted to drive a Scorpio wild, how about flipping the script and using it on them (if you dare)?
Sagittarius (Nov 23rd - Dec 21st ): Sagittarius’ are true romantics - they regularly fall head over heels. But they also like new challenges and toys that can be incorporated into their passionate sex life. They could really push themselves with a three piece set of anal beads - the different size beads allow the Sag to be challenged again and again, while still enjoying the passionate sex they’re used to.