Sexiquette: Temperature Play 101


Blowing hot and cold isn’t normally something positive in interpersonal relationships but when it comes to sex or foreplay, it can actually feel really good. We’re of course talking about temperature play. If you haven’t heard of it, settle in! We’re going to give you a crash course on the ins and outs of hot and cold in the bedroom.

Temperature play is often thought of as part of the BDSM realm, and although it definitely has a home there it’s not limited to that by any means. Put simply, temperature play is using heat and cold to provoke arousal. The skin is the body’s biggest organ and using different temperatures on it (often in surprising patterns) stimulates the nerve endings and circulatory system in a way that feels really, really good. The ways people use temperature play in sex vary from things like cooled or warmed sex toys (shout out to glass toys, they’re excellent for this!) right up to things like fireplay where people put fire very close to or sometimes on the skin.

All this may sound pretty intense but it’s actually very approachable for even the most vanilla of partners…well, beginners should probably definitely steer clear of the fire stuff. Read on for our Do’s and Don'ts for entry level temperature play - no flames required!

Do get creative! There are so many ways you can start to incorporate temperature play into your sex life. It’s not just limited to ice cubes (although ice cubes can be great)! You could try freezing spoons and using those on your partners sensitive areas. Or how about using your breath in different ways to blow hot and cold air onto their body? Or the ol’ Cosmo trick of putting some honey on your tongue, taking a sip of warm water and  giving your partner a blowjob with the water in your mouth. It makes for a really smooth, warming sensation - or so we’re told. As well as creativity in what you use to change the temperature, there’s tonnes of room to be creative with how you use it. Things like varying hot and cold sensations can be a real turn on, or if your partner is more submissive you could sit some ice cubes on their sensitive areas while you make them wait. It’s really up to you to come up with the most devilish things you can think of.    

Don’t rush into things. Once you’ve decided you’d like to give temperature play a go, feel free to pop your ice-cube tray in the freezer and while you wait do some research. Look up different sensations, explore other people’s techniques with it online - it can only improve the experience. This goes doubly if you really want to try some of the riskier temperature stuff - honestly, you can’t research enough.

Do use accessories! Don’t be afraid of getting the toys involved in temperature play. Glass dildos are perfect for heating up in hot water or cooling down in the freezer. The temperature of lube can also be changed. Blindfolds are an excellent way to increase any and all kinds of sensation, so they’re pretty much made for this kind of play. We also sell a range of massage candles that were made for exactly this!

Don’t be afraid to get messy! Like all good sex, temperature play can get messy. Melting ice-cubes, rogue massage oil, bodily fluids…you may want to put down some towels. But you should also lean into it. Things like hot fudge or fridge-cold whipped cream can be used in temperature play and have the added bonus of being delicious when licked off.

Do pay attention to temperature. This should be a given, but be careful about the temperature of the objects you’re using. It’s a good idea to test things that are icy cold or steaming hot on your wrist first. This is especially important for objects that you’re inserting inside someone - you know when your tongue gets stuck to an ice-pop? Yeah, imagine that INSIDE YOUR BODY. Shudder.

Don’t forget consent and safe words. Sorry to be a bummer, but if we’ve said it once, we’ve said it a thousand times: sex is better when it’s safe and consensual. Like all sexual interactions, it’s so important with temperature play to ensure that your partner consents to what you’re doing with them so you can both relax and have a good time. Before you go into it, discuss your boundaries and even establish a safe word if you think things are going to get crazy. It’s peace of mind for both of you and makes it so much sexier to know that you’re both enjoying what’s happening.

Now that you have the basics, go forth and play with some temperatures. Best of luck!

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