Sexiquette: Sexting 101

From the dawn of time humans have been striving to find the most efficient ways to communicate with one another. We’re social animals and one of our main priorities has always been expressing ourselves to other humans through any means necessary. And where there are humans expressing themselves, there are humans expressing their need to get it on. 

While the eras of flirtatious cave paintings and lewd letters delivered by carrier pigeons are long behind us, we have replaced them with a modern counterpart: sexting. In case you’ve never received one, sexting is pretty much what it sounds like: a combination of the words sex and texting. It’s basically sending messages (and sometimes images etc) that are smutty or flirtatious in nature with the intention of arousing the receiver. As you can tell by how drily I’ve described it here, it’s a very hot activity.

While I’m sure sexting won’t be the last frontier in us communicating our desire from a distance (can’t wait to get some hologram dick pics), it is a crucial part of modern relationships. Luckily, I’m here to give to walk you through the do’s and don’ts of The Sext. You’re welcome.

Don’t send anything without consent. So, in terms of practical sexting advice this isn’t the sexiest - but it is really important. Firstly, don’t sent sexts to people without their consent - I’m not saying that you have to have a verbal ‘NOW WE SEXT’ instruction but don’t be that guy who sends a dick pic within two minutes. Just don’t.

But even more importantly, if you’re under 18 don’t send explicit images AT ALL. It is rightly illegal for anyone to possess sexual images of a minor and could result in big trouble for both of you. This also goes the other way, but I really, really hope I don’t have to tell you that. Moving on to less intense advice…

Don’t rush. Taking your time is one of the key factors to great sexting. Much like with actual sex, it’s important to heat up the oven before you go trying to cook something - and sexting is no different. When you start sexting someone, don’t jump straight into the heavy stuff - take your time by starting small and building your way up to the full-blown filth.

Do draw from personal experience. A great place to start a sexting conversation is to reference an experience you and your partner have together. This is a nice jumping off point because it gives you somewhere to start from, as well as evokes whatever feelings your partner was having at the time. For example, if you had sex last Wednesday, something like: ‘I can’t stop thinking about the other night’ is a great opener. Especially if you follow it up with more relevant details from the night in question, because my next point is…

Don’t skimp on details. No one wants vague, watery concepts when they’re sexting. The more detailed and thorough you are the better. Talk about texture, taste, smell, touch - be specific and illustrative. You’re trying to paint a picture here!

Do speak in your natural voice. However, while you’re trying to paint this picture, remember that it’s meant to be a picture of you. One of the easiest traps to fall into while sexting is trying to come across like a porn star and saying all kinds of things that don’t reflect who you are in real life at all. Talking a big game is all well and good, but what happens when you actually get to the bedroom. The person you’re sexting with likes you, so what you’re sending them needs to come from you. Sure, you can dress things up a little, but being authentic is the only way to be.

Don’t be afraid to utilise what you’ve got. Sexting isn’t just limited to messages. Your phone has so many functions! Get creative with selfies, videos and recordings for your partner. Even throw in the occasional gif or emoji. It’s totally fine to mix it up. In fact, it creates more interest for both of you!

Do respond appreciatively. It’s super easy to get caught up crafting messages and trying to sound as appealing as possible while sexting that it’s easy to forget that the person on the other end of the messages is doing the exact same thing. Don’t forget to respond appreciatively and enthusiastically to what they’re sending you. If someone sends you a vulnerable picture of their bits, a single emoji isn’t going to cut it my friend.

Do have fun with it! All in all, the main thing to remember is to just let go and not take sexting too seriously. Sex is made to be enjoyed after all, even if it’s via text message.

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