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As you know, here at Play Blue we love to set a mood. Maybe it’s the chubby speech and drama kid deep inside me saying this, but I truly believe that the right lighting, costume and of course soundtrack can elevate a mediocre encounter into something amazing. It’s all about the staging, baby.

I’ve already talked you through some of our choices for a sexy soundtrack, but it’s come to my attention that there’s a massive piece missing from the puzzle : we never talked about what kind of music to avoid in the bedroom. An oversight on my part, I admit. But! Never fear, I’m going to make that right today.

The first thing on our list I hope is obvious: but funeral songs are a no - no if you’re hoping to set any kind of mood other than a deeply, deeply depressing one. By funeral songs, I of course mean the classics - ‘In the Arms of an Angels’, ‘Raglan Road’ or ‘Somewhere Over the Rainbow’. I can’t imagine you want to spend your time in The Bone Zone picturing your Great Uncle Paddy reposing in his coffin - and your partner certainly doesn’t either. Unless you both do, in which case…weird, but okay.

Next on our list we have Disney theme songs. I don’t care how into The Magic Kingdom you are, there’s nothing even remotely sexy about Bibbity Bobbity Booing it to ‘Bibbity Bobbity Boo’ from Cinderella. In fact, I’d extend a caution to most songs from beloved childhood movies. Try and maintain a boner to that song from Matilda. I dare you. All that said, after much consideration I will note that there’s one exception to this rule and that is ‘I’ll Make a Man Out of You’ from Disney’s Mulan. Firstly, that song is a banger and secondly, thinking about Mulan’s hot cartoon boyfriend can only enliven the mood. Sorry, not sorry.

Classical music might seem like a safe bet, be let me assure you from experience, it can be V dangerous when it comes to setting the mood. Classical music is so emotive, so one wrong note and things can go from sexy to sad real quick. Who’s having sex listening to classical music anyway? You’re a lad banging it out in a flat in Tullamore, not Lord Byron.

My final no-no when it comes to sex soundtracks is maybe a little bit controversial. I’m sure plenty of people would disagree with me, given the content of the songs themselves, but novelty sex songs make my reproductive organs want detach from my body and run away to make a new home out West. Something like ‘The Bad Touch’ by The Bloodhound Gang (you and me baby ain’t nothing but mammals etc…) is not something you wanna put on to set a mood. Yes it’s catchy, and some of the lyrics are actually clever but if you bone to this you’re the worst kind of person. That goes for all of The Bloodhound Gang’s discography, if I’m honest.