Your July Pleasure Challenge

I have been a huge fan of Dr Betty Martin, the author of the book, The Art of Giving & Receiving and the inventor of the Wheel of Consent. She introduced me to the 3 minute game that wasn’t created by her, but it has become more mainstream thanks to her. I also love the way she frames and explains things, it all lands clear and safe in my body, and I feel to become more open and centred at the same time. 

The 3 minute game is a safe way to explore, to communicate and most importantly to practice checking in and feeling yourself while you are with others.

This game requires a partner, who doesn’t need to be a sexual partner. Many people practice this in a group setting, fully dressed and with strangers in a safe way, that supports feeling safe in the body, being present, and communicating clearly. When this happens, your sex life elevates as well, because your foundational skills become stronger and more reliable.


The game is timed. It can be 3 minutes or 5. It all depends on your decision. I recommend starting with 3 minutes. There are 2 questions to ask. You can do them altogether in one occasion switching roles or separate times. It is up to you.
Please establish boundaries before the game.

The first question is:


What do you want me to do to you for 3 minutes?


So you ask your partner What do you want me to do to you for 3 minutes?
Your partner checks in and says what they want to experience.

Maybe they want to snuggle and to be held tight. 

Maybe they want you to play with their fingers,
Maybe they want light//hovering touches all over their bodies.
Maybe they want to feel your hand pressed into their arms or thighs. 


Maybe they ask for something that you don’t want to do or not exactly how they ask.
And that is ok. Please don’t do what you don’t have a yes to. Sometimes modifications are enough. 

Maybe you are ok with snuggling but you want them facing towards you.
Maybe you want them to say from time to time how your touch feels to them.
Maybe you are happy to play with hovering touches but not over the genitals.


Say what you are ok with.

When you agree, start the 3 minutes. After the time is up, discuss whatever came up to both of you.

If you want to continue now, ask the second question:


What do you want to do to me for 3 minutes?


So this time you are the one to be touched. It is up to the other person to say what they would like to do to you. And of course again, you can negotiate what you are ok with and what not. 

Start the timer and go.

If you want to take turns, now it is your partner's turn to ask: What do you want me to do to you for 3 minutes?

Check in, feel, communicate, and explore. :)

 

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