The most frequently asked question I get as a sex coach from men is about how to last longer in bed.
Men who want to be better lovers, give their partners enough time and pleasure to get an amazing experience. I know how much shame they have about not having enough control over their endurance and ejaculation. It is challenging.
I know that you can find creams, sprays and tablets as well to help you with delaying your ejaculation, to support your erection. But these are not the only way.
Having a better erection and lasting longer is a skill that you can work on. You can build endurance, you can learn to feel your penis, your erection. Ejaculation mastery on an advanced level is actually about becoming a multiorgasmic man. But let's just start with the basics now.
Your 3 steps strategy for lasting longer in bed
Working on your PC muscles
The strength of your pelvic muscles (and the ability to relax them as well) are your support system, when it is about erection. It is going to create a better blood flow and most importantly is helping you to gain control over what is happening in your pelvis while you are having sex.
I’m sure you have heard of Kegel exercises that women do in order to tighten their vagina. These exercises are actually not only for women but for men as well. In order to see the results you should include the exercises in your daily routine. The good news is that they are easy to do, you can do them anywhere, and they don’t take much time either, AND your orgasms are going to be more intense as well.
How to start to strengthen your PC muscles?
These are the muscles that you can feel when you stop the flow of pee. So the easiest way to feel them is when you are urinating. Stop the flow and feel the muscles. Then relax them consciously. Relaxing these muscles is as important as feeling them.
Now try this when you are not peeing. Contract/squeeze these pelvic muscles, keep them contracted for 3-5 seconds then relax them again. Do several rounds of the squeezes. (10-20).
Be mindful about using these muscles only, so don’t tighten your abs or thighs and don’t hold your breath back. Breath normally. Maybe you can’t do this so easily. And this is fine. Start slowly but right, step by step.
Repeat these exercises about 3 times a day.
Own your cock = Focus on the sensations and being present in your cock no matter what
Being present is the number one essential pillar of mindblowing, unforgettable sex. And it is the most underrated skill as well at the same time.
Knowing how pleasure, comfort, discomfort, arousal… is in your body and allowing yourself to feel is actually helping you to have more control. Being aroused and being able to stay longer in elevated states of pleasure starts with your presence.
Plenty of times premature ejaculation is about not being able to stay in pleasure long enough. The more you train yourself to be there, the longer you are going to be able to feel extremely good for extended periods of time without cumming.
Practice while you are masturbating
Yes, you read this well. The practice is a special kind of masturbation without watching porn and involves edging and challenging yourself. Practice in your own space. Give yourself easy wins, and stay with the process. You will love the results.
Why shouldn't you watch porn when you are building your endurance?
When you are watching porn, you are not really in your body. You use it to enjoy the visual stimulus, and at the same time you are not really present in your cock. So your presence skills are turned off. The less you use them, the more control you are losing over your ejaculation.
This doesn’t mean that you have to stop watching porn or you shouldn’t masturbate while you are watching it (if you want to), it just means that you should have “practice sessions”. Even when you are watching porn, you can just stop and be present for little periods of time before continuing with your usual routine. So you switch on and off from time to time.
What do you need for your practice masturbation session?
Have a time frame for the practice that is longer than your usual lasting time. Increase this time frame step by step, little by little.
Use some lube to really make the practice enjoyable. The more pleasure you feel the more intense and effective your practice is.
You can use your hand or even better if you use a male masturbator. Not a vibrating one. The textured insides of a Fleshligh or a Main Squeeze are amazing, so they create enough challenge for you. If you find it too difficult, you can shorten the time frame or you can use your hands for a while. Some masturbators can be set up to be more tight or more loose, this can also be a super option for you to make your practice pleasurable, inspiring and challenging at the same time.
When you find that you are in your head, just go back to being present and feel your cock. Play with the sensations. The more pleasure you can create for yourself, the better.
When you are close to coming, don't think of something bad to turn yourself off. I know this works for many of you, but they are temporary band-aids, and they are keeping you stuck at a lower level of arousal instead of teaching you how to deal with this intensity.
What to do instead?
Inhale
Relax your pc muscles
Feel
Know that you can do this
You can have some short breaks
Then you go back to pleasure. You go back to feel more and more. You go back to feel your cock.
Practice and you will see results.
Practice and you will find confidence in your ability to last longer.
Practice and you will be an amazing lover.
Do you have any questions?
Write to me at sexcoach@playblue.ie so that I can support you.