The number one reason that made a sex coach was my personal struggle with orgasms. I wanted to learn and figure out how orgasms work. And I was able to “break my code” and I also have helped with the same for my clients. Does this mean that I know the way to orgasms with ease for everybody? Unfortunately not. But I can show a direction and a new way to relate to orgasms, to pleasure and to the body that can be a gamechanger.
If you feel that you have to work for an orgasm, rather than riding them, then here are my fundamental tips to help you with your orgasms.
Build your presence in pleasure from moment to moment
The main skill to enjoy orgasms is in being able to ride the waves of pleasure rather than trying to force yourself into an orgasm.
Where are you at this moment?
Are you in your head or are you in your body?
When you want to cum and you try to push yourself to feel something, you are in your head. Mostly disappointed. It is super challenging to cum from this place.
You have to be present in your body and be able to allow yourself to feel the pleasure in order to cum.
The more you can practise to be in your pleasure, the more your body gets used to it, and the easier for you to come back to this feeling when you find yourself in your head or in “nothing” again.
This is normal, and doesn’t mean that you can’t come back. Practise to switch back into your body and more precisely into the pleasure in your body. As many times as you can.
Don’t give authority to your mind over your orgasms
Your mind loves maps and concrete tips so that it can feel in control. But this logic doesn’t work with orgasms. And the more it is about your mind the more you will lose your orgasmic potential.
This is especially true about any agendas and expectations. When your mind starts to tell you that you are too slow, that you don’t feel what you should feel you are in your head and this is what is pushing you further and further from enjoying what is actually in your body.
And the mind will try different ways to trick you because it feels unsafe to “just” ride the waves of pleasure. The mind also doesn’t know when you don’t feel anything, it is a different way of pleasure and it starts panicking.
The mind has plenty of beliefs and judgements about orgasms and pleasure. Working on these beliefs and unleashing yourself from them is going to clear your path to a new relating to orgasms and pleasure and will change how you show up in your sex life and what you think about yourself.
Allow yourself to feel and move with the feeling
I know that some people don't understand what I’m talking about related to allowing, feeling and moving. Those who learn this skill can enjoy new levels in pleasure. And it is all based on practice and awareness.
Pleasure and orgasmic states are intense and can be scary to the mind and a lot to the body. Working on your pleasure ceiling and staying with intensity is possible for you. You can do it. This is how you will start to live your real erotic potential.
When you accept that this is a journey and you release your preconceptions about what you should feel and when and you are willing and able to be present with pleasure, having an orgasm is easy and effortless. It is not work and effort anymore, but feels natural.
But when you do the work to develop skills and create a new way to relate to orgasms it will feel boring and unreasonable first. And at some stages it will feel scary. Your mind will fight for control. It is easier when you know what tasks to give to your mind but it helps to be more focused on the change.
You need these skills to explore your body in a brand new way, that comes from freedom, openness, acceptance and presence. When you don’t feel inadequate and you can notice the real responses of your body.
I know that you probably wanted more “tangible” trips and maybe some hacks, and maybe some other ways to help you achieve the orgasms that you want.
When people learn how to really be with pleasure their sex life becomes effortlessly juicy.