There is no real intimacy without these 5 elements

There are several factors that will define how fulfilling you are going to feel in your intimate life. And you have one regardless of having a partner or not. Your intimate potential with the right framework can make a big difference between satisfied and purring with pleasure or not. 

What are the basic elements that will define how fulfilled you are going to feel?

Freedom to explore

When you have an agenda or you feel stuck and uninterested or you are anxious… you don’t feel free anymore. Being curious opens the door to experience something new without expectations. Giving yourself and your partner space to feel and explore. 

Presence

If you are not present in your body and in your feelings then you are losing out on the best part. You can have some pleasure while you are mostly in your head following patterns, some people can even have orgasms while not being totally present, but there is a lot they don’t experience. On the longer run their bodies can betray them, and what worked before, stops working.

This is why practicing being present and bringing you back to your body and feelings is crucial. Instead of limiting yourself on the longer run, you gain space, depth, connection and resilience. Build the skill of being present and you will experience more pleasure, more orgasm and more aliveness. 

Acceptance

When you are present, and you allow yourself to feel, you don’t always experience the highs. Resistance, boredom, confusion, discomfort, pain… There is so much that can come up, that is not pleasant. And the sooner you accept what is present with you (your true feelings/reactions or your partner’s feelings and reactions), the sooner you can choose how to move forward. Fighting it or suppressing it will delay your liberation from them. You can choose your next “move” when you accept what is present. Sometimes acceptance leads you to create changes, or to listen more and release.

Humour

Being able to laugh at yourself is a gift. I’m not saying to never take things seriously, but failures can also be funny, and laughing at yourself can be very liberating. 

Consent 

It is the last on the list here, but it is the most fundamental. If it is not a full yes, then it is a no. This includes also your connection with yourself. The consent needs to come not “only” from your mind, but from your body as well. You need both in order to have a stable foundation for your (self and partnered) intimate life. It is totally normal to feel yes to something at one moment, and this can change into a no. When you accept that you don’t feel the yes anymore and respect that, it opens a whole new level in your connection.

Build a healthy foundation and your intimate life will flourish.