Question: How do I know if I have an orgasm?

I’ve got this question recently from a woman, who was not sure if she ever had an orgasm.

Her friends told her that if she had an orgasm she would know. I don’t agree with this.

Orgasms come in different intensities and feelings. It can happen that you miss an orgasm or a thousand orgasms. I have to clarify that when I say you miss an orgasm it means that even though you are experiencing it, you don’t recognise it as an orgasm.

Why do people miss their orgasm?

The most common reason is that their orgasm is different from what they think an orgasm is, how it should feel, how their bodies should react…

This can happen to anybody and is not specific to female or male genitals.

If you have a penis most probably you expect your orgasm to be an ejaculatory orgasm. What if I tell you that you can actually learn to separate your ejaculation from your orgasm, so that you can become multi-orgasmic and only ejaculate when you really want it, so that the flow of sexual energy and aliveness can still circulate in your body?

If you have a vulva and you have experienced clitoral orgasms in the past probably you expect vaginal orgasms to feel the same as clitoral ones while they don’t feel the same for most people.

And I don’t even talk about other kinds of orgasms that you don’t even know you are capable of experiencing, like throatgasms, nipple orgasm, no touch energetic orgasms, heartgasms…

We expect our orgasms similar to how they are described in books, seen in films, told by other people. And the more we expect ourselves to have the same experience, the easier it is to overlook all the other climaxes that happen in your body.

Not all orgasms are explosive, some feel more waves, some feel very expansive but more gentle as they can vary in intensity from experience to experience. 

When you stop worrying about if you have an orgasm or not and you don’t focus that much on how to work for one, but you rather stay in your body truly experiencing yourself, you start to feel what is actually in your body.

When you stop rushing and pushing and trying to force but you are open to feel everything in the moment you can experience all the different climaxes that your body is capable of. Don’t be afraid of the feelings that are different, it is ok for your pleasure to shape itself into different shapes, forms and intensities.

Liberate yourself from the expectations and your orgasmic potential will grow and your experiences become richer. The less you want to perform according to a sexual agenda the more aliveness and pleasure you are going to feel.