I got a question about vibrators and pleasure, that really touched me. She bought a vibrator recently and was worried. She couldn’t feel anything while she was using it.
I asked for more information, so that I could help her more. The more I know, the more specific my answer can be.
So I asked the followings from her:
- What kind of vibrator? Clitoral, internal or a rabbit?
- What does it mean that she feels nothing? Not feeling the sensation, like being numb or not feeling aroused?
- What is happening when she is using her hand or something else?
- Has this been always like this or this is a recent thing?
She needs a bit of time to find the right spot, and when she gets there, it feels nice for a little bit, but then she loses the sensation. She feels the vibrations for a while, then nothing again. Very similar with the orgasms. She feels that her orgasm is building from time to time, but then she seems to lose it. Going around in circles also seems to work for a while.
She uses her hands sometimes, but that is not very different. Very light touches seems to work the best, but also for a very short time.
She doesn’t have expectations regarding her experience, so she is there with acceptance and she is experimenting. This is a good place to move forward. Even if at the moment she doesn’t feel any arousal.
First of all I told her that this is very common, and nothing is wrong with her. When you don’t feel sensations, you feel like you are cut off from arousal, and you feel broken. While actually you are not broken at all.
Feeling numb and not having sensations in most cases is caused by being very sensitive.
Yes, you read that well.
From what she shared with me, it seems that she is highly energetic in her erotic wiring.
Energetics are very sensitive. They feel a lot. They feel their environment, they feel what their partners are feeling, they feel the energies around. The best part of the kiss is the lips getting closer and closer, almost kissing. They are aroused by teasing and longing. Interestingly the less physical sensation they get the more aroused they can be. It is all about the energies and the connection.
Their sensitivity is their superpower. They can have orgasms even without being touched, they can feel what works for their partners even without asking them.
And at the same time, they can be overwhelmed easily and shut down.
When it is about self pleasure they need a bit of a different setup.
So here are my tips for her and for anybody who feels out of touch of pleasure, not having sensations or feeling numb.
Take time to connect before you start
The more relaxed and connected you are when you start, the more pleasure you are able to have.
It is all about down-regulation and calming your nervous system.
Breathing is one of the tools you can use.
Like the pleasure breath.
Moving, like yoga and dancing are perfect to work with your nervous system.
Meditation works fine. Yes, meditation is a good tool for self-pleasure. Be in the moment. Feel yourself in the moment. Connect with yourself. It is not about pushing yourself into being aroused, but about being fully you.
Don’t go for the pussy right away
If you are highly energetic you need some foreplay. Ok maybe a bit more than some. Actually sometimes you like the foreplay even more. Have some warm massage oil around and massage your heart centre and your breast before moving forward. Be in the moment. Hold yourself. Enjoy yourself.
Use a high spectrum of touches
Play with the touches. Especially the light hovering touches, like these:One of my best orgasms was from hovering touches. I was crying and squirting and coming like crazy.
Start with touches like these, and move from there slowly. Really slowly. Contouring touches and massage are perfect.
Cup your vulva from time to time and just feel.
It is like a break.
And slowly move your palm away and go back to hovering touches.
Play with the distance.
If you use a vibrator, put it on your vulva when the device is still off. Connect with the feeling of the pressure. Move it a bit around. Play with the sensations before you add the vibrations. Press the on button only after this.
And of course:
Use a good lube
Never forget about the lube. It is giving you the flow and the ease that you need for more pleasure. Add some more lube again later on.
Click here for lubes.
Create a movement and circulation
Have some breaks, breath and massage the energy all over, so it wouldn’t be concentrated that much at one place. The more you can involve your body (and your aura), the better. Let yourself expand.
Make it like a circuit.
Let the energy move in your body.
Imagine breathing in through your pussy up to your heart.
Then exhale. You can exhale through the top of your head or back through your pussy.
Then go back to touching and to your vibrator.
It is like floating and riding waves. It is not the continuous moving forward.
When you feel that your orgasm is building up, you can switch off the vibrator, and continue with your hand or with whatever feels good for you.
Some women feel that they need a special stimulation when they are coming, and vibrators diminish the sensation of the orgasm. Experiment with what is the case for you.
Some women prefer to have a dildo, a yoni egg, wand, a vibrator or a finger inserted for more intense orgasm. This way you can feel the muscle contractions even more.
Try to find what works best for you.
So the keys are:
Creating safety and relaxation before you do anything.
Breath is your friend.
Don’t let the energy concentrate too heavily, lighten everything up from time to time.
Be present and feel yourself.
Move with ease inside and outside.
Pleasure is your birth right. Even if at this moment it doesn't seem like it. You have your unique, beautiful way to enjoy yourself. You have it. Play with it.