Oh yes… you deserve more juice, excitement, orgasms and connection.
But what can you do if you don’t have enough of it?
You can have more sex, and I want to support you in this.
Even if you don’t have a partner you can play, and have more orgasms and more fulfilment, so stay with me and start with the tip that you feel more drawn to first.
Allow yourself to experiment and play with these tips without expectation and see what happens. If you feel that tip is not for you, just skip it. There are different ways to reach the climax and even go beyond.
Practise to feel yourself more
Being more aware of your feelings is a skill that you can develop.
And what is your reward if you do it?
Heightened sensations and being more in your body rather than in your head.
When you learn to switch back to your body and to ride the sensations you are finally able to feel you will be more turned on.
This way you don’t “just” become more sensitive but you are also going to be more accustomed to sensations, because they will seem more familiar.
When you are overwhelmed by sensations you often “check out” of your experience, this is when you find yourself in your head or dissociate.
The more you shut down from intensity the more challenging you find to have a satisfying sex life. This can cause loss of libido, dissociation, premature ejaculation and also difficulty to achieve orgasms.
So stop from time to time to feel into your body and stay with the feeling that is there. This is not a meditation and you can do it even just for 1 minute for starting and then do it longer. Timing your experience helps with being present in your body and feelings and you will realise that there are levels in your experience.
Don’t only do this when you feel at peace and calm, but other ties as well. Being more accustomed to boredom, frustration, excitement… will help your body to access more pleasure (even if this seems unbelievable now).
When your mind steps in “just” bring yourself back in the feeling without judging yourself for it. It can help if you give your mind the task to help you to focus and remind yourself that your intention now is to feel more (whatever is there now).
Engage your senses more
When you don’t compartmentalise sexual pleasure from other kinds of pleasure, being more in your pleasure becomes natural, and sex won’t be an island totally separate from the other parts of your day, but a continuation connected by bridges. So engage your senses more.
Are you turned on by sounds? What about listening to audio erotica? Or Mongolian throat singers?
Eat tasty food and be present for every bite. If you want you can even moan and give sounds.
Enjoy the texture of things, feel the temperature.
Touch yourself, but not “just” your genitals. A bit of (self)massage for the pleasure of feeling the relaxation can make wonders.
Watch videos that nourish your soul and open your heart or make you laugh..
Move for the sake of movement. Some people feel more pleasure when they can feel their body to be strong. Some people are more into feeling flexible and resilient. Some of us love to feel more free, so choose your movement accordingly.
Do things just for the sake of pleasure. So that when it is time to have sex or self-pleasure you don’t start from zero. All pleasure counts, not just sexual pleasure.
Plan for sexy time
When I say plan for sexy time I mean create the circumstances for undisturbed hot times. If you have a partner (even if they are long distance partners), schedule and agree in the time frame that works for the both of you. If you are alone, it is still important to have a sexy date with yourself that you can prepare for.
Use the power of anticipation. Sexting can add the extra yumminess or if you are single indulge in erotic stories or visuals.
This also means to do the work and prepare your space. Like cleaning, charging your sex toys, or buying whatever you need.
If you want to go somewhere else then plan that, chose a place that works for you…
I know that spontaneous sex is amazing, but for some reason people tend to think that they have to choose between spontaneous hot and passionate and scheduled hot and passionate. “Just” because you plan, you don’t necessarily lose momentum, especially if you use anticipation and engage in your senses more beforehand.
People who are dating (or people who have affairs) plan, and they appreciate the time at hand and use it wisely.
And of course allow yourself to say no if you are not a full yes for sex (especially penetrative sex). Do what would feel good at the moment. When your no is accepted freely and without remorse or judgement this can allow you to be more open in the future. Overriding your NOs can cause you to lose (some of) your libido and trust.
Part 2 Coming soon ;)